Salutations Fellow Scholars,
As I slowly woke up this morning from what was, at the time, a delightful evening of merriment, I made the unfortunate realization that the wizard costume provided to me by Nero was not, in fact, as wizardly has he insisted.
Dünçe, as it turns out, is not the archaic franco-germanic word I thought it was; it just so happens that the umlaut was a pair of M&Ms and the cedilla a Willy Wonka Runts banana stuck close enough to the letters to cause the confusion. Clearly, the cap reads dunce (whose English etymology is still relevant today, rendering clarification futile), which is obviously Nero's pathetic attempt at some sort of interpersonal commentary on my understandably intimidating intellect. Nevertheless, this sort of prank is completely unacceptable, especially considering the social context in which it was conducted. I must teach Nero not to behave so inappropriately in the future. Oh yes. Nero shall find himself back in the Box of Education tonight.
As always, fellow scholars, we must maintain vigilance aganist the crude acts of laypeople across the globe as they attempt to befoul our reputation. In short, good boys and girls of academia: never trust your intern.
Director of Field Dramaturgy
Makeshift Theatre Co.